A preventive preventative

Since becoming an editor almost 30 years ago, I've enjoyed studying word usage. Why do we use one word over another?

Most of the time, we use similar words interchangeably, even though they each may have distinct meanings. Unfortunately, we sometimes use the wrong word. In my opinion, this is because we're not actually taught to talk; we just pick up our native language and begin using words we've heard in certain contexts many times over. If we hear two different words used in the same context, we may assign them the same meaning. When we become students of words, we want to differentiate similar words and their meanings.

If the difference is subtle, the misuse may go unnoticed -- such as using acquire rather than obtain. However, sometimes the use is glaring -- such as using literally instead of figuratively.

Which brings me to preventive and preventative. I have usually held the opinion that the word preventative does not exist. When the word popped up in manuscripts, and I would always change it to preventive. It just seemed silly to add an extra syllable to a word.

Then my daughter, Sally, chimed in with the same gripe, so I began a little research. Now, word usage and definitions are subjective, but I concluded that preventive should be used as an adjective, and preventative should be used as a noun. For example, "Changing your car's oil regularly is an effective means of preventive maintenance." Or, "Inoculations are an effective preventative against disease." In the first case, preventive modifies the noun maintenance. In the second, preventative is the noun itself.

I should probably share what I learned about my initial examples: obtain and acquire, and literally and figuratively. From my limited research, I reached the conclusion that obtain means to take possession of something deliberately, whereas acquire means to take possession whether intentional or not. If you buy a shirt at a second-hand store, you have obtained the shirt. But if there happens to be a $20 bill in the pocket of the shirt, you have acquired $20. Interestingly, most PR people announce that their company has acquired a smaller company. This implies that the acquisition was purely a stroke of luck, rather than the result of long and careful consideration.

I am always amused when someone misapplies the word literally -- especially if they are a communications professional, and, hence, should know better. I still remember an entertainment critic writing, "Her performance was so captivating, she literally held the audience in the palm of her hand." Either this performer had one huge hand, or her audience was composed of ants. Obviously, the writer meant to use figuratively. To me, when someone misapplies the word literally, it makes them sound like they're trying to appear smarter than they are by using big words they don't know the meaning of.

So when I am speaking of people who possess something, and I don't know if they obtained it deliberately or if it just fell into their lap, I will say that they "obtained, acquired, or otherwise took possession of" the item. I know. It's annoying, but sometimes I like to be annoying.

Airline humor

Kulula is an airline with head offices in Johannesburg, South Africa. I hear that Kulula airline flight attendants try to make the in-flight safety lecture and announcements somewhat entertaining. Here are some supposedly real examples that have been heard or reported (whether real or not, they are funny):

As with Southwest Airlines in the US, there is no assigned seating on Kulula flights. Passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, so a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"

On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

On landing, a flight attendant said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only four ways out of this airplane."

"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms, a flight attendant on a flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

"Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."

"Weather at our destination is 50° with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."

"Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what you are all thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."

Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town , on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the flight attendant said, "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline. He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why, no ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?"
The lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"

After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg , the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.."

Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."

Heard on a Kulula flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing.. If you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."

And my personal favorite:

After a plane taking off from Durban airport reached cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom: "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from Durban to Cape Town. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOODNESS!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee on my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger then quipped, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"

My hydraulic watch

Dave Barry was a humor columnist for the Miami Herald, and repeats of his columns still appear in my local paper, the Lake County News-Herald. Every year, Dave devoted a column to his annual “Holiday Gift Guide,” in which he wrote about the most ridiculous merchandise he could find. He attributed most of the entries to submissions from readers.
A few weeks before Christmas a few years ago, I pulled out the News-Herald and started reading Dave’s “Holiday Gift Guide.” After finishing the first column of type, my eyes jumped to the second column and found a gaping hole in the page — not missing text, but, literally, a hole in the page!
I questioned my wife about the missing segment, but she denied any knowledge of how an entire column of type came up missing. “No problem,” I said, “I’ll just go to the library at lunch tomorrow and read what I missed.” She quickly recanted, and insisted that this wasn’t the time of year for me to be doing such things. Obviously, then, she was planning on getting me something ridiculous for Christmas or my birthday, which happens to fall two days after Christmas. Because I had forced her hand, I figured she’d retaliate by making me wait the extra two days to find out what totally useless item I’d be stuck with.
Sure enough, come Christmas, I received nothing that was extremely unusual or impractical. So when my birthday arrived, among the gifts was a small box containing the missing segment of Dave Barry’s column. Also in the box was literature describing “The Hydraulic Watch,” and, of course, the watch. Rather than describe the watch, I’ll quote a few excerpts from Dave’s column. “It is a hefty hunk of alloy metal — that’s right, mister, ALLOY metal — made in China, a nation famous around the world for the quantity of its watches. . . This is not some wussy little foo-foo girly-girl watch that, when you want to know what time it is, you just look at it. . . When you want to know what time it is, you pull a knob, which activates a hydraulic piston mechanism, which raises a little cover, thus revealing the watch face. . . Geraldo Rivera buys these babies by the case.” Dave also sarcastically referred to the watch’s $19.95 price tag as being evidence of it being a quality timepiece.
As it turns out, the idea of bestowing this coveted treasure on me did not originate with my wife. My son, Adam, read the column, then pointed it out to her saying, “Mom, you have got to get this for Dad!” I guess they both figured the editor of Hydraulics & Pneumatics wouldn’t be complete without the "hydraulic" watch.
But the biggest surprise came when I actually tried the watch. Well, okay, the biggest surprise was learning that there was such a thing as a hydraulic watch. So the second biggest surprise was trying it out. It isn’t hydraulic at all! The cover is spring loaded, so pulling out a retaining pin causes a spring to snap the cover open. The two “hydraulic” cylinders are purely for show — and about as useless as a belt when you’re wearing suspenders.

Living with a prototype

Even though I have never built a hydraulic or pneumatic system, I think some lessons learned from re-plumbing sections of my 100-year-old house apply to fluid power. One lesson (which I have learned time and again) is that good intentions certainly don’t guarantee successful results.
For example, as long as I had to install additional plumbing, I thought I’d be clever by upgrading some of the existing plumbing in the basement to minimize flow restrictions. I did this by using 3⁄4-in. tubing, fittings, and valves instead of 1⁄2 in. — plus I?used ball valves instead of the standard globe valves. My thinking was that minimizing restrictions would maximize flow rate. This would make running water for a bath, doing a load of laundry, or filling a pitcher of water go quicker because the water would flow faster. Sounds reasonable, but my great idea backfired.
What I neglected to account for was fluid conductivity — also known as flow coefficient, or Cv — a topic we discuss somewhat regularly in this magazine. Basically, when you have a series of restrictions (fittings, valves, and the tubing itself), and one restriction is considerably greater than any of the others, that restriction affects system flow more than all of the other restrictions combined. In my case, faucets at the end of each run all have relatively narrow passageways, so the restriction created by the faucet is considerably higher than anything else in that run. Consequently, using larger components upstream has not increased flow from any faucet.
The 3⁄4-in. tubing, in fact, has a negative effect, because it holds roughly twice as much water as 1⁄2-in. tubing does. So when I want hot water from the faucet, it takes twice as long for the water to get hot because twice as much cold water must first flow from the 3⁄4-in. tubing before hot water reaches the faucet. The water doesn’t flow any faster, plus it takes longer to get hot water, which increases energy used by the water heater.
But all is not lost. I still think it was a good idea to use the ball valves. They work quickly and effortlessly and achieve a leak-tight seal. The unrestricted, straight-through design poses no real benefit for my application, but I certainly can see the advantages for fluid power systems. Not only that, but they look great. A finished assembly of copper elbows, tees, tubing, and brass valves all soldered together is a thing of beauty. It seems a shame to hide it deep within the framework of my house where no one will see it. So now I can appreciate what designers of fluid power systems go through. After weeks of discussion, design, revision, construction, testing, more discussion, and maybe more revision, the reward for a designer is seeing his or her work become such an integral part of a machine that few observers are even aware that fluid power is at work.
But at least designers in industry can make prototypes, which gives them the chance to iron out unforeseen problems. Better still are simulation programs, which allow designers to test their work as a virtual machine. I didn’t use simulation to test my idea, so I’ll just have to live with the finished design, which also happens to be the prototype.

Meeting a worldwide celebrity

A trip to Disneyland or Universal Studios would be an enjoyable part of a vacation for any of us. But to see attractions at these parks from the inside truly is one of the highlights of my editorial career. Writing articles based on these visits is always a real challenge — in part because I have to leave out so much fascinating information that goes beyond the scope of the articles. Probably as much information is not written about as what is.
It's amazing how quickly some of these monumental projects come to fruition and a real testimony to engineering experience in finding solutions through precise, systematic techniques. For example, years ago I met with R. Duncan Mackenzie, whose company, Hoffend & Sons, Inc., Honeoye, N.Y., won a contract to design and install an attraction at Universal Studios Hollywood. Duncan explained that after receiving the contract to design and install hydraulic and control systems for the attraction, he and his associates started drawings in January and completed the project, including testing, in time for its opening in June the same year.
Another major attraction at Universal had a total turnaround time of only four months, according to its builder. Circumstances kept me from examining the fluid power in this major attraction, but it contains numerous special effects using hydraulics as well as pneumatics, not to mention fiery explosions, crashes, and chases.
On another front, ride simulators continue to gain popularity in parks not only with the public, but with park management as well. The simulators give the illusion of motion with an audio-visual presentation synchronized with multi-axial movement from a hydraulically articulated base. For a believable simulation, the hydraulics not only have to be in precise synchronization with audio-visual effects, but must also produce sharp, distinct motion. Charles Robertson, an electrohydraulics consultant I met with, illustrated this by explaining how a simulator his company helped build used quick-response servovalves to produce sharp movement of a motion base to simulate impact from hard objects. Later, a similar motion base was built using proportional valves instead of servovalves. As a result, the simulated impacts were not sharp and felt as if the vehicle was under attack by an army of hostile marshmallows.
Oh, yes, the picture. When I arrived at Disneyland at 6:30 a.m., my host, Jack Shippy, was already at work on Splash Mountain. We finished our business some time after 2 o’clock that afternoon, which gave me a few hours to take in the pleasures of Disneyland from out front with the other guests. I ran into Mickey Mouse, Disneyland’s “Big Cheese”, and just had to get my picture taken with him. Mr. Mouse is the one on the left.